So, good news is that we are just about 200 dollars away (above what income I've already budgeted) from being able to afford the $1200 initial payment for the surgery. Here's to hoping that there are no major money draining events between now and the end of the month.
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Other than that, things are good. It is dave's birthday weekend. We had a little get together last night and I'm taking him to a baseball game monday. After that, I'm detoxing for a few days and then really work on paying better attention to my day to day health choices. Its amazing how something like finding out that 3 months of treatment has been for nothing makes one really not give a shit about having wine and cupcakes for dinner. Hell, I even smoked for the first time in over a year. I can tell its taken a bit of a toll on my body and my general well being. I'm more tired and more irritable and I'm not really diggin that.
I think I need to start writing here more.
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Things have been...overwhelming at times, maddening at other times. Being "unwell" in a way that has no symptoms is infuriating. If you have the flu, or a broken leg or any number of things, you know when you're sick but more importantly, you know when you're on the mend.
I take 2 pills, 2 times a day. I have since may 10th. Other than some small changes in what my body is doing, there is no indication of anything. I had another biopsy on monday. We got the results friday and, well, no improvement. Not worse but no improvement. No now begins the scrounging together of another 400 bucks or so and then I make a first payment so I can have real surgery. Like "general anesthesia, enjoy your thin robe where your ass hangs out" surgery. The hospital will just have to get payments as I can do them for the rest of the money they'll bill me for. Our hope is that they don't find anything else more severe during this surgery and that this is the "cure" i need. I'm starting to lose patience very quickly. Each little reminder of how "abnormal" i am in terms of how a woman's body works becomes harder and harder to overcome. In the last 8 months or so, I have had no less than a dozen friends and family either have a baby or announce a pregnancy.
Adoption is still VERY MUCH on the table but I don't feel like I can even work towards that until this is taken care of. Until we know exactly how much or how little we're dealing with.
You know how on Scooby-Doo, when Shaggy and scooby would get scared by a ghost or giant ape or whatever, and their legs move in a circle but they go no where? Thats pretty much how I feel and have felt since mid april when this all came to light.
Ok *sigh*. Because I don't really know what else to do. So, here is the deal. I will be having surgery in the next 3-4 weeks to clear out some pre-cancerous cells that were found and to make sure there isn't anything that went undetected during my first biopsy. I have "health insurance" (man, that is hard to type without the quotes) with a 5k deductible (see kids, sometime's being self employed isnt all that fun). From the first quotes we got on cost, looks like its going to eat up the whole deductible, or close to it. I've used only 300 of my deductible so yeah, do the math.
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I know time's are hard for us all. If you can help, even a few bucks, you have no idea how much it would mean to me and to Dave. You know I'm not one to ask for help unless I'm out of options.
I also don't like getting something for nothing so folks in SA and surrounding areas, I'll comp you a ticket to the July 18th burlesque show in exchange for ANY donation. Can't make the show or live out of town? I'll figure something out. Maybe i'll draw something for you while on pain meds. Or call and sing "Cool Rider" from Grease 2 while I'm trippin on vicodin.
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